Tuesday, April 28, 2009

evil bike path people

This is not funny. First the people up high on 2 wheels with their feet going around. I learned to deal with that. Then the lady pushing wheels. Scary.

But today, today was too much. There was an up high feet going around guy and then right behind him a guy with wheels on his feet. On his feet! And he had the zoomies and almost ran over me but he scooted around just in time. And then, just as I stopped watching him, here comes another guy up on a really loud board and that board had wheels! He's just coming and coming at me and that board was loud! And fast!

Well, I had to bark! I let all those other things go and look what happened. They just keep putting wheels on everything. They have to be stopped. Or else I have to make the folks move away from this bike path thing. It is not good for dogs. Not good.

We have no place for wheels.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

how to sleep

OK, I think I have it figured out. They let you sleep on the bed if you scrunch up down near their feet and stay quiet.

If you get between them and stretch out real long and you're on your back it makes you snore and they drag you back down to their feet.

If you sneak back up and put your head on someone's neck, they pet you but pretty soon they put you back down again.

The cat can sleep on Mom's pillow right near her head. Does the cat get pushed down? Noooo.

It's not my fault I snore. Dad snores. Does Mom make him sleep at her feet? Nooooo.

Cats and Dads got it made in this place.

Friday, April 17, 2009

the lady on wheels

I've been a city dog for a long time now and I've seen a lot. Really weird stuff.

I stopped being afraid of those people who ride up high on wheels, going real fast by the house, their feet going round and round. Mom says we live on something called a "bike path" and if I sit down every time one of those wheeley people goes by, we'll never get our walk done. I'm used to them now. Sometimes they ride in packs though and I can't help sitting down for that.

But today there was a lady walking with wheels. I'm not lyin'! She was pushing wheels and walking real slow and she was watching me. I know she was. Why? What was she up to? Then she got to our corner and stopped and watched me. She was evil, I know she was. You can't fool me. So, I sat down and then I got up and walked backwards. You can't take your eyes off evil ladies. They could try to hurt your people.

I watched her and she watched me and pretty soon she turned around and started walking away really slow. That's right, evil lady. Take those wheels and scoot. And don't come back. This is my block.

I rule.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

white stuff again

I got a surprise today. When I went outside this morning there was that cold white stuff all over the ground again. That was pretty cool except that when I first went out the door I was moving really fast and that white stuff made me slide to the bottom of the steps and land on my butt for just a second. That stops the zoomies real quick, let me tell you.

You also can't stop running fast when that stuff is here. I was chasing a leaf and I had a real good start but when I had to stop to get it all my legs went everywhere.

All this stuff gets the humans laughing.

Anyway, I did enough good stuff out there to get a cookie when we came in. I'm not sure if it was the sliding or the pooping, but whatever it was, the folks liked it. Then I took a nap.

Every day is hard work.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


My human Dad is a veteranarian, but not the kind that pokes you with the sharp stick in the butt, the kind that doesn't eat meat. At least think I that's what I heard. Anyway, that means I don't get hot dogs much or other good treats unless Mom sneaks 'em in.

So, I get weird treats. They keep trying to give me carrots, even though I bark at them and refuse to pick them up. Doesn't stop them from trying. "Hey, Q, wanna carrot?". Plop. It rolls at me. I bark at it. Does this stop them? No. I just know later today I'm gonna hear "Hey, Q, wanna carrot?". The answer is still no, people.

Well, today it was banana. Mom said "Hey, Q, wanna banana?" and I let her give it to me because at least it wasn't a carrot.

The thing about bananas is that they are really good, but there must be some trick to eating them. Every time I tried to chew it, it smooshed and popped out of the sides of my mouth. When I tried to show Mom what was happening she just barked and barked and barked and made Dad come see. Nice. I just love looking stoopid.

I wasn't gonna just sit there with banana hanging on my face so the folks could get a good laugh. Turns out if you spit it out, you can pick it back up in little bits and then you can eat it. And it's good. Nothing like a carrot.

Maybe this veteranarian food isn't so bad after all.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

all kinds of no

I can play with the cats but if I try to pick one up by the neck, that's a no. OK, but how do I carry him then? I have to figure that out.

Sometimes when I poop the folks get all excited and give me pets and sometimes they get all mad and ask me what did I do. Now you don't know what it is? A little while ago you were all excited about it. I have to figure that out.

In the time out room they have big boxes that get food in them. Sometimes they take something out and give it to me but if I try to help out and get it myself, that's a no. They keep saying I need a job, but when I try to do one, it's a no. I have to figure that out.

There's another box in the time out room that gets food for a little while but then they take it out.. That's a "nonohot!" I don't have to figure that one out. It hurt my nose. Sometimes you only have to tell me no once.